Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Cancer and Widowhood.

An Unexpected Option

on 12/02/2014

Tim’s story:

Nichole and I tried for several years to have kids and when we finally were pregnant again, and with twins, I was cautiously optimistic.  It was a roller coaster for nine months.  It seemed that everything that could go wrong in a pregnancy did go wrong.  I spent many sleepless nights wondering if we would lose two more babies, or if I would lose my wife, or both.  When all three were finally safely home, I was a very happy father and husband.

As soon as Nichole and I looked at each other– each with one of our daughters in our arms– and said, “We’ve got this.”, Nichole started pushing for a third kid.  I think our girls were about 4 months old.  In her usual fashion, she set out to wear me down over the long haul.  Regardless of tactics, time, reasons, begging, pleading, and relentlessness; I was not going to give in.  I could not find it in me to go down that road again and risk the life and health of my wife and future child.  Especially when we were blessed with two perfect little girls.

I am not opposed to having a larger family. I love being a dad.  It is by far the best thing I have ever done on every level.  I’m just opposed to being a single dad with twin girls.  That whole “…till death do you part” thing should be decades down the road, not something we willingly jumped into with two toddlers in tow. We looked at all of our options, from a 2nd dog, to international adoption, to another round of IVF, to domestic adoption.  Money, time, and failure rates kept all options over the horizon. (That and Nichole still wants a Pug and I still want a bird dog.)

We discuss our options and dreams for the future at least once a week.  I didn’t think anything of it when Nichole said she was forwarding me a text, and that I should think about it and we could discuss it later that night.  When I finally received the text, I was stunned.  “Someone would like to know if a member of the family would be interested in adopting their baby.”  It sounded crazy.  It sounded like  a hoax. It couldn’t be true, but it was. And I was full of hope!  A way to grow our family and fulfill our dream was just offered to us!  I know that adoptions fall through, or are “incompleted”, all the time and for various reasons. However, it also circumvented all of my concerns and fears regarding another pregnancy. I was all for it.

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