Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Cancer and Widowhood.

Leap of Faith

on 12/02/2014

Nichole’s side of the story:

My initial plan to have a third child involved wearing my husband down through repetition and sheer stubbornness. I’ll admit, he spoils me and if he knew how badly I wanted another baby, I thought he might get past his fears of my body not being able to handle it. So far, six months of me asking and begging had not budged the man.

We talked about it again that morning. Another month had gone by with out a miraculous natural pregnancy that I still held out hope for each month. Even knowing you are infertile and won’t get pregnant on your own doesn’t seem to silence that whisper of hope.

Later that day, work was frantic and miserable and I just had to get out of the office, so I volunteered to run to the post office for a few items. As I often do in those rare moments when I am by myself, I decided to have a conversation with the man upstairs. I’ve asked him so many times to bless us with another baby, but that day my words were different. “We want another baby, we know we can love another baby…Help me find a way to bring Tim on board.”

Apparently, life is all about the details. In just a few short hours, that prayer would be answered in an unexpected  way. At 3:54 I received a text that turned my world upside down. For once, the sound on my phone was turned on so I received the text immediately. “Someone is giving her baby up for adoption and would like someone in our family to adopt it. Don’t know yet if it’s a boy or a girl. Are any of you interested?”

My heart leapt, and something inside me shouted “YES!” Before we began treatments for infertility, we had discussed all of our options and strongly considered adoption. Because our resources are finite and I had insurance coverage for part of the infertility treatments, we committed to medical treatment for infertility. We were also really afraid of the failure rate in domestic adoptions, since over 30% of them fall through. But having lived through a pregnancy where you pray every day that your babies will survive and make it one more day, that 30% failure rate for adoptions just didn’t seem as scary to me anymore. And I couldn’t be as cavalier about the physical risks to me and another baby in a pregnancy. We don’t know if I will hemorrhage or have problems with my liver again in another pregnancy. It wouldn’t be fair to my family if I didn’t consider the risks that a pregnancy could carry for me or any potential child.

Adoption. A door I thought I had closed just burst wide open and I was completely open to the possibility. My mind raced. Tim and I had discussed whether or not we could love a child that came to us through adoption. We’d even discussed adopting a biracial baby previously. This offer came today for a reason.

I texted back immediately, “Actually, Tim and I might be interested let me get his take on it.” Not thirty minutes later Tim called me at work. My mind was still spinning, trying to figure out how we could swing adoption costs, daycare, everything I would need to arrange, how to convince Tim…

We talked about mundane things, and as our conversation began to wind down, I said, “I’m going to send you a text I received this morning. I’m just going to copy it word for word and I want you to read and think on it. Maybe we can talk about it tonight?” A puzzled “okay?” was the only answer I got before I hung up.

I just kept thinking, “There is no way my husband is going to say yes to this.” The rest of the day was a blur. Get the girls, run errands, cook dinner, feed the girls…The second we had a moment and our eyes met in the kitchen I couldn’t wait a minute longer. “So what do you think?” My jaw dropped to the floor when he said, “I think it’s the perfect solution. I’m in.”

I had a million arguments lined up to convince him to try adoption. Never in all of the scenarios I had run through my mind that day did I expect him to just say yes. I called the texter back immediately said, “We’re in.”

One response to “Leap of Faith

  1. Auntie Lisa says:

    I so enjoy hearing your story. o see the joy the girls have brought to your life the addition of a son would be such a blessing. You are both so deserving.


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