Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Parenthood and Cancer

First Date

on 12/06/2014

Meeting a birth mother for the first time is a lot like a first date.”

These were the only words of wisdom that Google offered me as we prepared to meet our potential birth mother. Somehow, those words weren’t at all reassuring. I’ve had a lot of really terrible first dates. It also ratcheted up the pressure for this meeting to go well.

As we pulled up to the birth mother’s apartment, I was very nervous. We knocked on the door and she wasn’t there. “Oh no! Has she changed her mind already?” Terror struck me and I began to get a sick feeling in my stomach. We waited, and just as we began to drive off, she came walking down the street with her friend in tow, all smiles. She just didn’t realize how late it was.

…and now I could breathe again. We went inside.

Stilted conversation as you find common ground, sharing carefully-chosen tidbits about yourself, awkward pauses as you determine if you like each other. Yep, this definitely felt like a first date. I’ve never wished for a first date to go as well before in my life. I followed tips that the attorney had given me: “Show pictures of your house and your family. Try to connect with the mother. Focus on getting to know one another, not the ins and outs of the adoption. Let me take care of the nuts and bolts. You focus on building a relationship with the birth mother.”

As the “date” progressed, we began to find our common ground, relax and laugh. The reality is we come from very different places. She is young (I’m three years younger than her mother–eek!) and my husband and I are a little strange and geeky and set in our ways. But we have one common thread that will always connect us: we all want what is best for this child. The meeting ended like a first date as well, with promises to meet again and hope that it would all work out.

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