Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Cancer and Widowhood.

Euphoria and Doubt

on 12/07/2014

After meeting with the attorney, I felt confident that we could pull everything together to make the process happen. I had contacted three agencies for possible home studies and talked to three counselors for the birth mother as well. I just needed to finalize who we were going to work with. Giddiness hit. It was beginning to sink in that we were going to have a baby!

I was so excited. I have always had three children as my ideal number in the back of my mind. And, even after our girls were born, I found that I still wanted a third. It’s hard to explain that ache, that feeling that your family isn’t quite complete. (But my husband is really hoping it fades after this third child!)

Now that we were both getting excited and giddy, it was time to break the news to friends and family. This was met with mixed reactions. Some were over-the-moon for us with excitement. Others asked more practical questions, such as, “Are you sure you can handle three children under two?” “What if she changes her mind?” “Have you thought this through?”

Our giddiness began to fade in contemplation and doubt crept in. I began to wonder if we had talked through all the angles of this adoption. We’ve done nothing but talk about it since the option was offered to us, but were we 100% sure? The girls will be 19 months old when this baby is born. If we were going to change our minds, the time to make that decision was now.

I decided it was time to consult the experts. I belong to a national twin mommy page and many of them have other children. I posted a question about us being offered the opportunity to adopt and asking if anyone else had twins and another child that close in age. The response I received was overwhelming. So many ladies chimed in to say it was possible. There were practical tips and thoughts as well. Another mommy of twins was given a similar opportunity and had decided the timing wasn’t right and she gave me the reasons they considered. I began to realize there really is no ideal age gap between children. The challenges are different but equal when you decide to bring one more child into the mix regardless of the timing.

But the benefits are great! One of the things I loved about growing up was the fact that I came from a large family. I’ve always loved having a ton of siblings and us being close in age. I remember the fights, but the fun times far outweighed the fights we had.

One comment from a twin mom struck me the most: “I think your decision is already made.”

I soon as I read that, I knew it was true. As we go through this process, we will have moments of doubt, but our decision was made the instant we both received that text and something inside cried out “YES!” There will be highs and lows during this process, but we will figure it all out.

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