Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Parenthood and Cancer

The Mistress

on 12/21/2014

One of the challenges of adoption for me is the unexpected nature of the expenses. We have a general idea of total amounts based on averages and calculations, but since this is a private adoption, we don’t have a wealth of experience to draw from to know how much expense to plan for each month.

Adoption Expenses $5,700-$6,500
Application Fee $400
Home Study Fee $1,300
Background Checks, FingerPrinting, Medical Clearance $200-300
Attorney Fees for us $4,000-$10,000
Attorney Fees for birth parents $300-$2,700
Total Fees $14,700-$27,200

The three biggest unknowns are the adoption expenses and attorney fees for both us and the birth parents. The category of Adoption Expenses sounds like it should be filing fees or court costs, but it’s actually necessary and reasonable expenses to support the birth mother. This is a very delicate and fine line in the adoption world. I am not trying to buy a baby, and I absolutely do not want the courts to think this was the case. At the same time, I want to make sure the birth mother is both safe and comfortable.

Some of this we’ve provided by doing the legwork rather than monentary assistance, and my mom has been a great help during this process. We helped the birth mother secure Section 8 housing in a new town, helped her move, have taken her to look for jobs, helped her locate a program to complete her GED and enrolled her in counseling. This is merely legwork to make sure she has resources available to her now and in the future. My legs work just fine and we’re willing to give the help.

Some of our assistance is monentary (and, per our lawyer’s advice, follows very specific guidelines). To be honest, it feels a little like what I suspect having a mistress might feel like. I’m arranging to buy her clothes, making sure her electric is paid,  providing support for food and household supplies, and a cell phone so we can communicate. It’s almost like having a second secret household. And well, she is carrying my baby.

Sounds like a mistress to me.

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