Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Cancer and Widowhood.

Not all Rainbows and Unicorns

on 01/03/2015

Some days are just hard. Five a.m. Wake up, cranky kiddos, try to figure out how to sell tickets to our pancake feed, learn a new job…Right now it feels a little bit like life on steroids.

Our birth mom was out of town for the holidays, but Tim had an extra day off. Since it’s such a long drive to see her and Tim has so little vacation time, we really wanted to visit over the weekend if possible. A few calls later, some texts, arranging a ride for her back to town and voila, a last-minute trip to see her this month.

This is our third visit and we know her a lot better, but I still feel like I’m preparing for a job interview every time we visit. Each visit brings those niggling worries bubbling to the surface–will she change her mind, will the father decide to protest the adoption, will we have to go to court over this, will the expenses balloon through legal fees? Combine those worries with not being packed, a stressful day at work and two kiddos that woke up WAY too early and you have where I found myself: in a kitchen, surrounded by two crying toddlers and ready to be in tears myself. I was rushing to do everything at once and I wasn’t getting anywhere. One thing I promised myself when we began this adoption is that it wouldn’t cut into the time I have with my girls. All of my children are a priority. I wasn’t living up to that promise in this moment. I had to stop myself and take stock. All of this rushing wasn’t helping anyone.

So, I turned the radio on, picked up my girls and we danced. We danced around the kitchen with the huge glass windows not caring that the entire neighborhood could see. And the giggles began. Hazel and Phoebe both threw their heads back as we twirled in circles, dipped, and danced. This is what we all needed. Then daddy came home and there were snuggles and story-time in daddy’s lap. Packing could wait a little bit.  This time mattered.

The packing eventually got done, but  with much less stress. It was a later night than we wanted, but it was worth the pause.  Dancing and giggles –  I needed it, they needed it, we all needed it. The big family group hug was just a bonus.


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