Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Parenthood and Cancer

Hand-me-down Baby

on 01/07/2015

I feel like I’m back in college and it’s finals week. And I’ve just realized that I didn’t study enough and I might not pass the test. Our home study agency has a few last items that they need. “A few” being roughly 25 short-answer questions with a few bonus essay rounds thrown in, six pages of background questions, additional medical forms and more financial background needed.

We are spending so much time getting approved to adopt–and we haven’t even had the home inspection yet! We’re focused on making sure we can pass this. All of the energy that most couples would pour into getting ready for a baby has been poured into getting approved to adopt and getting the finances lined up. I feel like this child is going to think he was the hand-me-down baby.

Some of this is because we are now veteran parents. We know what we actually need and use, and it’s a much smaller list than any first-time parent would have. Some of it is because we don’t want to end up with a room full of memories and preparation with no baby. It’s a double-edged sword. I want this baby to have a room that has been lovingly prepared just for him, but if this adoption falls through, this same room will be a source of pain and I’m not sure I’ll be able to even open the door.

We’re trying to find a half-way point. Select a crib and bedding, but hold off on ordering them so we can return them if needed. Then set up the crib and add the finishing touches to the nursery after the baby is home with us. Most of the rest of the stuff will be hand-me-downs, and, honestly, that’s just fine. A baby can spit up on hand-me-down clothes just as easily as on new. They don’t know the difference. It all comes back to my fanatic picture-taking. I don’t want this child to compare his nursery to his sisters’ some day and feel like he came up short. Since I was on bedrest and my husband had to prep the girls’ nursery on my orders, we have a million pictures of each step. I had nothing better to do than to dream of exactly what their room should look like, and then direct the poor man to do it!

It’s different this time, a big part of us is afraid to commit.  If I buy bedding will I be a wreck if I have to return it? Most places have a 90-day return policy and we’re getting close to the baby being born within the next 90 days. Will I become that psycho woman at the return counter screaming and in tears? And, well, the money.  Our money is better spent making sure this adoption goes through each and every legal step that it should.  I don’t want any hiccups once he’s in our arms.

We’re only buying three new items for this child-  a crib, bedding and paint for the nursery.  Those are must-haves simply because our girls are still in their cribs and we tore all of the wallpaper down in the spare room before we found out about the adoption.  We won’t pass the Home Inspection without paint.  The bedding is my must have.  It’s only fair that he gets something just for him.  Something that’s not pink and girly.  It’s terrifying to take that step, although I’ve been pouring over ideas online and dreaming of his nursery for a while now.  So I will buy that bedding, I will pick out a paint, and I will hope and pray every single day that we are part of the 70% of adoptions that go through.

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