Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Parenthood and Cancer

Devil’s in the Details

on 02/20/2015

birth plan is a way for you to communicate your wishes to the midwives and doctors who care for you in labour. It tells them about the type of labour and birth you’d like to have, what you want to happen, and what you want to avoid.

All of this sounds great, but in an adoption, a birth plan is so much more. It outlines every minute detail of who should be allowed to do what and really helps both the adoptive parents and birth parents understand how the process is going to go. Our attorney contacted us about a month ago, because for an adoption we are required to have a birth plan on file with the hospital. But we don’t dictate what’s on the birth plan. We discuss this with our birth mother and this is a time where she can really make her preferences known as to how things should go at the hospital.

It does contain some of the typical items you associate with a birth plan: “How do you want your birth to go?”

  • Naturally: You bring a drug near me and I’ll gouge your eyes out! My baby will be born drug-free!
  • Epidural: I don’t want to feel any more pain than necessary. In fact, why don’t you just drug me to the gills?
  • C-section: You think I’m pushing this baby out? Are you out of your freaking mind?

After clarifying some of the normal details that any expectant mother might put into a birth plan, it really gets into logistics. Who do you want in the room during the delivery? Who do you want to hold the baby? Feed the baby? Who is allowed to see the baby? Who should we keep out of the delivery room?

As we answered the questions together, it began to feel like we were choreographing a dance. The questions went into excruciating detail for every nuance of the situation that may occur. What did the birth mother want? What would the adoptive parents be allowed to do? What about extended family?

I’m told to expect the unexpected on the actual day of the delivery, but the birth plan gives us all our cues. What I found the most helpful was the insight it gave me into what our birth mother envisioned during this process. We’d talked about it several times, but never to this level of detail. I felt like we are all on the same page now. It’s reassuring that the attorneys, counselor and hospital get copies of the birth plan. It makes me feel as if we are all dancing to the same beat now. And Tim will be allowed in the delivery room!!! 

And of course, I’m beyond thrilled that our birth mother confirmed that she wants us to hold Baby H first. This is her call, and we are fine either way, but my heart leapt when I heard her confirm this is how it would be handled! She’s done a lot of research into attachment and feels that it would be better for our ongoing relationship if we are the first to hold and snuggle him. I agree, but was afraid to hope that this would be how it would all play out.

We will get to hold him right away! We will be able to feed him and possibly room in with him! The hospital confirmed that if they have the space, they will let us room in with him as if we were the birth family, and we can change all the diapers and do the nighttime feedings.

Tim and I cannot wait. The delivery is getting closer and it’s becoming more and more real every day that soon we will have a son!!!! We can’t wait to hug and snuggle and love on him.

We. Can’t. Wait. It seems like the time just can’t move fast enough now that we are so close. Baby H, the world is ready to welcome you.

Want to help support our adoption? 
Visit our youcaring page and make a donation. Until March 1, each $20 donation will get you entered to win a 3 night stay at the Lake of the Ozarks in Osage Beach, Missouri. View here for more information.

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