Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Parenthood and Cancer

The Fight of My Life

on 02/29/2016

The battle lay before me, and I tried to steel myself.  Tim and I looked at each other and reached out to hold hands.  You could visibility see ourselves gird our loins.  It’s a battle we fight nightly these days.

It didn’t use to be this way.  Before.

Bedtime.

Before the twins turned two, bedtime was a bit of peace after a hard day at work.  It was something we looked forward to.  Bedtime meant singing and cuddles and then my girls crawling obediently into bed, while I went and rocked the baby to sleep.

These days, bedtime has turned into a war of wills. If we don’t time it perfectly, there is a battle over getting dressed, getting hair brushed, brushing teeth, taking a bath, not taking a bath, reading another story, rocking, not rocking, mommy singing, mommy not singing.  Anything is game depending on the moods of my little dainty dictators.

Last night was a doozy.  I misjudged the level of exhaustion in my children (Baby H was simply not tired, H and P1 were ridiculously overtired.) This simple misjudgment turned the three minutes of getting jammies on into a 30 minute battle of wills with tears, hairpulling and over-the-top wails.

For ease, one of us usually takes Baby H while the other does bedtime with the twins. Normally this isn’t an issue.  However, our twins have taken it into their heads to pick which parent is theirs.  I’m P1’s, Daddy is H’s.  On a rough night like last night, there are meltdowns if each kid doesn’t have “their” parent rocking them for bedtime.  Queue meltdown.

Bedtime was 60 excruciating minutes of tough love, comforting, rocking and trying to get a very untired baby to sleep.  We both were completely wiped by 9:00 p.m.  How that hell are we going to manage this if I’m sick?

These days happen.Bbedtime is sometimes a breeze, and some days it’s the seventh level of hell.  That’s life with a toddler. Their moods change faster than the wind.  This is my worry and my fear.  Normally, I reach deep and try to maintain calm in the midst of all of this chaos.  I’m not sure I can do this if I’m nauseous, exhausted (more so than the norm), or in pain.

Time will tell.

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2 responses to “The Fight of My Life

  1. I’m so familiar with these bedtime struggles. Ours has started due to having to immediately stop our 2.5yr old from sucking her thumb (after a fall damaging her teeth) so I’m with you there Mumma. You know what, in your situation you just don’t know how you or your kids will respond to your treatment. Probably best not to stress at this time and see how it plays out. Little kids have bucket loads of empathy and if they see that you are unwell they may just change their tune.

    Like

    • I’m glad I’m not the only one with this struggle. We were both practically in tears. I swear the wait to start treatments just lets me worry about worrying. I seem to find everything to worry about. Can’t wait to just be getting treatments so I can stop worrying and just start muddling through.

      Liked by 1 person

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