Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Parenthood and Cancer

Where There’s Smoke

7 days prior to our scheduled induction date

In retrospect, I wonder if I somehow knew that something was going to happen. We’d been talking to our birth mother all week and she had definitely reached that point of pregnancy where absolutely everything hurt, sleeping was impossible, and she was begging for the baby to come out. I’m known for letting the battery run dead on my cell phone and I rarely have the ringer turned on because, well, twin toddlers. But this evening, I made a point to plug in the phone and turn the ringer up as high as it would go so that I would be sure to wake up if needed. We were nearing the end, and I read once that most labors start at night because that’s when babies are most active.

The call came at 1:30 a.m.

Our birth mother was in tears and said, “The pains are bad and I need to go to the hospital NOW–I think the baby is coming.”

I shot out of bed immediately and woke Tim up (quite possibly with an elbow to the kidney–oops!). I tried to stay calm and talk her through our plan of action.

“Do you have a bag packed?”

“How far apart are the contractions?”

”How long are they lasting?”

“Do you think you could eat something before you go to the hospital, because they won’t allow you any food after that.”

I promised to make sure her ride was there shortly and we hung up.

Of course it would be now. My mother had been coordinating all of the travel for our birth mother since she lives closer, but Mom was on a humanitarian aid trip to Panama–the first she’d ever been on. And now this.

We had a plan A, B and C for a ride in case this happened. Luckily, Plan A answered her phone immediately and said she could be there in 10 minutes. I called our birth mother back to let her know.

HOLY COW! We’re going to have a baby! I started to get super-excited! You’ve probably realized by now that I’m an over-organizer. All week, Tim and I had been packing “go-bags.” We had our master packing list for the girls that we lived by after our disastrous “no pack-n-play” trip and had packed their suitcases the night before. We had packed Baby H’s bag earlier in the week. We just hadn’t got around to packing ours. That was on the agenda for tomorrow.

My adrenaline was pumping. We frantically packed our bag and began calling people to see who could come over to stay with the girls. Since we were planning on an induction, most of our conversations with my husband’s family had involved them coming over to get them. Apparently, we failed to stress that a late-night phone call was a possibility. We called six cell phones and two home phones with no luck.

At this point it was 2 a.m. Our options were limited. Try to put the girls in their car seats and figure out childcare when we got there? Try to find someone else? Luckily, a friend had volunteered to be our late night call just one week before and I cockily stated, “My in-laws will take care of that.” But my friend had young children, so she was used to waking up in the middle of the night. I called her cell phone–no answer. I called her husband’s cell phone–pay dirt!

It’s the sign of a really good friend that she was there in fifteen minutes. We finished packing, grabbed the dog, and headed out the door. It’s a four hour drive to the hospital where she was going to give birth. Let’s just say we made it a little faster than that. Throughout the drive, we received text updates.

“Contractions are two minutes apart…”

“Now they are three minutes apart.”

We stopped at my mom’s house to drop off the dog and pick up the car seat for Baby H. In our rush, we forgot to call my stepdad and let him know we were stopping by. As it turned out, neither of us had his cell number (he and Mom don’t have a home number anymore). So we killed the headlights, crept slowly up the drive, and Tim quietly went into the house to retrieve the car seat after letting the dog out in the yard. After a few minutes, he was back with the car seat, and a little shaken up. We weren’t as stealthy as we thought, and Tim was met at the front door by my stepdad and his pistol. We now both have his number programmed into our phones!

Tim threw the car seat into the car and we were off to the hospital. Just as we pulled out of my mom’s driveway, we received a text saying: “Dilated to a four, but contractions are not progressing. They are sending her home.” Our driver for our birth mother was understandably freaked about driving 30 miles with her back to her house, but did it anyway.

We looked at each other, turned around, and crawled into bed at my mom’s house. We’d figure out things in the morning.

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COMPLETE!

Our missing piece has been found! Please welcome Porter Michael William.  We are over the moon.  More to come on the craziness of the last few weeks and his spectacular entrance into the world.    SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY!2015-03-25 09.55.50

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EARLY!!!

Can you make it back for an ultrasound tomorrow?

Things that are bound to give me a heart attack and cause me to worry incessantly should never come via text.  As usual, my phone had run out of juice and this was the message that greeted me when it finally chirped to life. How many hours had passed since the text was sent? Was there something wrong with the baby? Why did we need an ultrasound so soon?  They just said at the last appointment that there wouldn’t be any more ultrasounds.

My mind pinged back and forth imagining all sorts of things, as my fingers frantically dialed.  Luckily my mom answered right away.  She had called Tim when they couldn’t get a hold of me. The doctor wanted to schedule the ultrasound ASAP and Tim agreed to scheduled it for Friday afternoon.  Why?  Because they are pretty sure the baby’s big and it looks like the safest thing to do is to induce and have him come early.

This gives the birth mother a better chance at a natural delivery and less chance of complications during the birth.  She’s small. The baby is big.  You do the math.  Ouch!

An induction is really a best-case scenario in our minds.  We are a four-hour drive away, plus the time it takes to pack two toddlers and a car.  Our birth mother would like us to be there for the birth of our son. We want to be there for as much of the birth as possible. We all feel better with the delivery being scheduled.

I also know that they have you go to full-term whenever possible because it’s best for the baby.  Part of me worries about another preemie, but he’s already pretty-well cooked.  When a baby is born a little early, there is a small chance of breathing or feeding issues, but usually not many major issues.  We have to trust in the doctors judgement on this one.

When it began to sink in that he will be early, my knees started to shake and my stomach began to hurt so bad I thought I would throw-up.  I’m so unbelievably excited, but I’m also a little scared. We’re going to have THREE children.  Is anyone every fully prepared for that? And it’s finally real.  There are some strange parts to adoption.  It’s harder for me to remember exactly how far along we are or how close time is getting without the aches and pains of an actual pregnancy.  Time is more abstract. This made it real.

This text slammed home how quickly we will have a son.   Soon.  So incredibly soon.

I’m giddy, I’m laughing, I’m ready to shout my joy from the rooftops. I can’t help myself. I give a little twirl and chant “We’re going to have a baby.” My coworkers look at me a little strangely, but I can’t contain my excitement.

Life. Is. Good.

 

Want to help support our adoption? 
Visit our youcaring page and make a donation. Until March 1, each $20 donation will get you entered to win a 3 night stay at the Lake of the Ozarks in Osage Beach, Missouri. View here for more information.

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Devil’s in the Details

birth plan is a way for you to communicate your wishes to the midwives and doctors who care for you in labour. It tells them about the type of labour and birth you’d like to have, what you want to happen, and what you want to avoid.

All of this sounds great, but in an adoption, a birth plan is so much more. It outlines every minute detail of who should be allowed to do what and really helps both the adoptive parents and birth parents understand how the process is going to go. Our attorney contacted us about a month ago, because for an adoption we are required to have a birth plan on file with the hospital. But we don’t dictate what’s on the birth plan. We discuss this with our birth mother and this is a time where she can really make her preferences known as to how things should go at the hospital.

It does contain some of the typical items you associate with a birth plan: “How do you want your birth to go?”

  • Naturally: You bring a drug near me and I’ll gouge your eyes out! My baby will be born drug-free!
  • Epidural: I don’t want to feel any more pain than necessary. In fact, why don’t you just drug me to the gills?
  • C-section: You think I’m pushing this baby out? Are you out of your freaking mind?

After clarifying some of the normal details that any expectant mother might put into a birth plan, it really gets into logistics. Who do you want in the room during the delivery? Who do you want to hold the baby? Feed the baby? Who is allowed to see the baby? Who should we keep out of the delivery room?

As we answered the questions together, it began to feel like we were choreographing a dance. The questions went into excruciating detail for every nuance of the situation that may occur. What did the birth mother want? What would the adoptive parents be allowed to do? What about extended family?

I’m told to expect the unexpected on the actual day of the delivery, but the birth plan gives us all our cues. What I found the most helpful was the insight it gave me into what our birth mother envisioned during this process. We’d talked about it several times, but never to this level of detail. I felt like we are all on the same page now. It’s reassuring that the attorneys, counselor and hospital get copies of the birth plan. It makes me feel as if we are all dancing to the same beat now. And Tim will be allowed in the delivery room!!! 

And of course, I’m beyond thrilled that our birth mother confirmed that she wants us to hold Baby H first. This is her call, and we are fine either way, but my heart leapt when I heard her confirm this is how it would be handled! She’s done a lot of research into attachment and feels that it would be better for our ongoing relationship if we are the first to hold and snuggle him. I agree, but was afraid to hope that this would be how it would all play out.

We will get to hold him right away! We will be able to feed him and possibly room in with him! The hospital confirmed that if they have the space, they will let us room in with him as if we were the birth family, and we can change all the diapers and do the nighttime feedings.

Tim and I cannot wait. The delivery is getting closer and it’s becoming more and more real every day that soon we will have a son!!!! We can’t wait to hug and snuggle and love on him.

We. Can’t. Wait. It seems like the time just can’t move fast enough now that we are so close. Baby H, the world is ready to welcome you.

Want to help support our adoption? 
Visit our youcaring page and make a donation. Until March 1, each $20 donation will get you entered to win a 3 night stay at the Lake of the Ozarks in Osage Beach, Missouri. View here for more information.

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