Cancer Ever After

Musings on Infertility, Adoption, Cancer and Widowhood.


Our missing piece has been found! Please welcome Porter Michael William.  We are over the moon.  More to come on the craziness of the last few weeks and his spectacular entrance into the world.    SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY!2015-03-25 09.55.50



Can you make it back for an ultrasound tomorrow?

Things that are bound to give me a heart attack and cause me to worry incessantly should never come via text.  As usual, my phone had run out of juice and this was the message that greeted me when it finally chirped to life. How many hours had passed since the text was sent? Was there something wrong with the baby? Why did we need an ultrasound so soon?  They just said at the last appointment that there wouldn’t be any more ultrasounds.

My mind pinged back and forth imagining all sorts of things, as my fingers frantically dialed.  Luckily my mom answered right away.  She had called Tim when they couldn’t get a hold of me. The doctor wanted to schedule the ultrasound ASAP and Tim agreed to scheduled it for Friday afternoon.  Why?  Because they are pretty sure the baby’s big and it looks like the safest thing to do is to induce and have him come early.

This gives the birth mother a better chance at a natural delivery and less chance of complications during the birth.  She’s small. The baby is big.  You do the math.  Ouch!

An induction is really a best-case scenario in our minds.  We are a four-hour drive away, plus the time it takes to pack two toddlers and a car.  Our birth mother would like us to be there for the birth of our son. We want to be there for as much of the birth as possible. We all feel better with the delivery being scheduled.

I also know that they have you go to full-term whenever possible because it’s best for the baby.  Part of me worries about another preemie, but he’s already pretty-well cooked.  When a baby is born a little early, there is a small chance of breathing or feeding issues, but usually not many major issues.  We have to trust in the doctors judgement on this one.

When it began to sink in that he will be early, my knees started to shake and my stomach began to hurt so bad I thought I would throw-up.  I’m so unbelievably excited, but I’m also a little scared. We’re going to have THREE children.  Is anyone every fully prepared for that? And it’s finally real.  There are some strange parts to adoption.  It’s harder for me to remember exactly how far along we are or how close time is getting without the aches and pains of an actual pregnancy.  Time is more abstract. This made it real.

This text slammed home how quickly we will have a son.   Soon.  So incredibly soon.

I’m giddy, I’m laughing, I’m ready to shout my joy from the rooftops. I can’t help myself. I give a little twirl and chant “We’re going to have a baby.” My coworkers look at me a little strangely, but I can’t contain my excitement.

Life. Is. Good.


Want to help support our adoption? 
Visit our youcaring page and make a donation. Until March 1, each $20 donation will get you entered to win a 3 night stay at the Lake of the Ozarks in Osage Beach, Missouri. View here for more information.

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Devil’s in the Details

birth plan is a way for you to communicate your wishes to the midwives and doctors who care for you in labour. It tells them about the type of labour and birth you’d like to have, what you want to happen, and what you want to avoid.

All of this sounds great, but in an adoption, a birth plan is so much more. It outlines every minute detail of who should be allowed to do what and really helps both the adoptive parents and birth parents understand how the process is going to go. Our attorney contacted us about a month ago, because for an adoption we are required to have a birth plan on file with the hospital. But we don’t dictate what’s on the birth plan. We discuss this with our birth mother and this is a time where she can really make her preferences known as to how things should go at the hospital.

It does contain some of the typical items you associate with a birth plan: “How do you want your birth to go?”

  • Naturally: You bring a drug near me and I’ll gouge your eyes out! My baby will be born drug-free!
  • Epidural: I don’t want to feel any more pain than necessary. In fact, why don’t you just drug me to the gills?
  • C-section: You think I’m pushing this baby out? Are you out of your freaking mind?

After clarifying some of the normal details that any expectant mother might put into a birth plan, it really gets into logistics. Who do you want in the room during the delivery? Who do you want to hold the baby? Feed the baby? Who is allowed to see the baby? Who should we keep out of the delivery room?

As we answered the questions together, it began to feel like we were choreographing a dance. The questions went into excruciating detail for every nuance of the situation that may occur. What did the birth mother want? What would the adoptive parents be allowed to do? What about extended family?

I’m told to expect the unexpected on the actual day of the delivery, but the birth plan gives us all our cues. What I found the most helpful was the insight it gave me into what our birth mother envisioned during this process. We’d talked about it several times, but never to this level of detail. I felt like we are all on the same page now. It’s reassuring that the attorneys, counselor and hospital get copies of the birth plan. It makes me feel as if we are all dancing to the same beat now. And Tim will be allowed in the delivery room!!! 

And of course, I’m beyond thrilled that our birth mother confirmed that she wants us to hold Baby H first. This is her call, and we are fine either way, but my heart leapt when I heard her confirm this is how it would be handled! She’s done a lot of research into attachment and feels that it would be better for our ongoing relationship if we are the first to hold and snuggle him. I agree, but was afraid to hope that this would be how it would all play out.

We will get to hold him right away! We will be able to feed him and possibly room in with him! The hospital confirmed that if they have the space, they will let us room in with him as if we were the birth family, and we can change all the diapers and do the nighttime feedings.

Tim and I cannot wait. The delivery is getting closer and it’s becoming more and more real every day that soon we will have a son!!!! We can’t wait to hug and snuggle and love on him.

We. Can’t. Wait. It seems like the time just can’t move fast enough now that we are so close. Baby H, the world is ready to welcome you.

Want to help support our adoption? 
Visit our youcaring page and make a donation. Until March 1, each $20 donation will get you entered to win a 3 night stay at the Lake of the Ozarks in Osage Beach, Missouri. View here for more information.

Leave a comment »